Good Monday morning...

 

… and as Lisa and I prepare to honor Pastor Bil and to be with his family and friends in Michigan, it is our desire that we will be a blessing to Bill and Mary’s children, Joel, Jared and Sarah, along with the many friends and relatives who will attend his memorial service on Saturday, April 18.

Grief is a reality in our life, until we die.  The death of loved ones has been a subject of keen interest of mine (and was of Bill’s) for the past 20+ years.  Fascinated by the individuality of grief, having never met two people who grieve in the exact same way, yet grievers will tell you that they are most comfortable in early grief sharing with others who have also lost a loved one, claiming they are with people “who get it.”

“Close enough” must be how it works.  To know, for example, that the loneliness following the loss is felt by others, even though it is completely different, gives confidence to share their loneliness.  Close enough, then, is a concept of great value to us as we consider relationships with the bereaved.  I will not go to Michigan with the mindset of “who is hurting the most,” rather, I will meet Bill’s family and friends with a shared sense of deep sadness for his death.  Comparing grief is never a good thing, it just doesn’t help.

“Close enough” means that I will be sharing space with people who are mourning… and being mindful of their loss as we interact with one another.  I don’t have to defend my grief, just acknowledge it.  Recognizing this, I am much more likely to listen with a tuned in spirit and not lash out from the pain of my loss.  Shared pain can feel less intense, somehow.  I don’t need details to know that his family and friends are hurting, too.

“Close enough” is where I hope to be in every encounter we have on our trip to Michigan.  Close enough to embrace a fellow griever, close enough to honor their grief, and close enough for them to know mine.  I think “close enough” is how we need to navigate all our relationships.  It creates space for shared imperfections while giving opportunity for shared blessings.  This concept is filled with grace and peace.

One of the challenges of encountering people whose loved one has died, is what to say or not to say.  Experts have lists of things, and most of the “not to say” things are clichés that come quickly to mind.  The discipline of silence for a moment gives opportunity for presence to overrule words, then whatever is said, is close enough!

For His glory,

Pastor Mike