Good Monday morning...

… and today I will meet with new bereavement groups.  Some will be returning from the break between sessions, some will be sharing their grief for the first time in a group, all will be in a safe place to do so.  I know that because of the guidelines we have established for a safe group experience.  Years ago, when my colleague Bill and I were co-facilitating the groups, I can hear Bill say, “these are just good human qualities we give to one another.”  There are three that I am sharing with you here.

The first is confidentiality.  We say, “what’s shared in group, stays in group.”  Honoring another by listening to their stories of grief and holding them like secrets to guard is just good character.  The atmosphere of top-secret information being shared makes the group both interesting and sacred.  It is important for the group to know, however, that as a “mandated reporter” if I hear of suicidal or homicidal plans, I must report to the proper agency to get help for the distraught individual.  I would love to say that it never happens, but it does, and when it does, the reporting is for the well-being, not the punishment, of the one in distress.

The second is respect for each person’s grief as uniquely theirs.  We honor and accept our differences.  I like to call this our “no judgment zone.”  We listen to each other with the respect that each story is true to the storyteller.  When people share their grief stories, they form words to convey deep and often foreign feelings.  It is not our job to correct or help people find the words; it is our job to listen respectfully.  If we don’t believe them, then we quietly hold our disbelief and stay respectfully focused on the one sharing.  This is often the most difficult rule for the facilitator, but I am committed to the discipline required to model this in the groups.

The third rule I’ll share is that we listen with a compassionate heart.  Giving people space to share their grief stories is learned by quietly staying put, just being together with a person who is sharing their suffering.  I think this is the most important human quality that we share in our groups, and I also believe it is one of the most important human character qualities needed in our world today.  While my role as grief counselor is free of any religious bias, I believe that the rules that I’ve highlighted above are Christlike in character and that Christians can live with these “rules” as a way of spreading God’s love for humanity.  After all, these are just good human qualities we give to one another.

For His glory,

Pastor Mike